How Good is your English?

There are two kinds of English….the original, the one spoken in England, and the one we speak here in America.  Your Two Chums have fun comparing words used that are completely different but mean exactly the same thing.

Jackie grew up in England and Robin here in Southern California.  We thought it would be a fun exercise to show you, through two letters saying exactly the same thing, how two completely different words can mean exactly the same thing.  The first letter will be the British English version and the second, the American English version.  Here’s your chance to see how good of an English translator you really are.

Dearest Robin,

You will not believe what I found, and how I found it, a fortnight ago.  I left my new flat, which, by the way, we have let for six months, to pick up some items I knew I would be needing but before I left I ran to the loo and caught a glimpse of a stain on my frock – the navy and white one you have always loved that was really quite dear.  I nipped into the bedroom, put on my dressing gown, and was about to use one of Dennis’ vests as a rag to wash out what I thought was tomato sauce but turned out to be red nail varnish.   I had to change, quickly, but had not unpacked all of my clothes.   The closest thing was a trouser suit with a polo neck.  The last time I donned this outfit, I was eight stone so the button on my trousers popped!  Now where had I put that needle and cotton?  I was so cross with myself and had my knickers in a twist over the whole situation and ended up, after trying a bit of Sellotape,  having to use the only other thing I could find which was a hair grip.  I realized that my recent diet of too much take away, too many spuds of all kinds (crisps, chips and jacket potatoes), iced lollies and choc ices, eaten in front of the telly, had no doubt contributed to my predicament.

Now, already behind schedule,  I threw the used bit of Sellotape into the wastey, put my plimsoles on and started out of the front door only to find that the rain was coming down in buckets.  So, it was back into the flat to find my mac, brolly and wellies.   Could not find my mac anywhere, but finally found, in a pile of rubbish, my anorak.  Looking the way I did, I wished I could find my balaclava to disguise myself but, alas, off I went not feeling anything like the, inverted commas, bird, close inverted commas, I once was.

By now, it was time for elevensies and, having missed my morning porridge, I had to have a cuppa!   Jumped into my Mini and, of course, realized I was out of petrol.  Off to the petrol station it was!  After filling up, I was on my way to my first stop, the chemist.  I needed a new flannel so picked that up quickly and low and behold, I ran into Edward in the middle of the zebra crossing just outside of Boots – you remember him, he is the chap I used to work with.  We talked about everything, from A to zed, over a cuppa at Lyons.  He was feeling perfectly blissful having just that minute landed a new job…he had got the sack at the old one last week.  We agreed to have a proper celebration next week over a pint at the Hag’ s Head……hopefully, the four of us will go on to the cinema as there is a picture Dennis and I really want to see.

Next stop for me was the supermarket.  We were having the Bonham-Smiths into dinner that evening.  I did a simple roast with trifle for pud.   Quite easy really but did have to pick up a few odds and bobs.

When I got the bags back to the car to load into the boot,  I was met with the awful sight of rotting courgettes along with an old aubergine and chickory which must have fallen out of my grocery bag weeks before.  What a mess.  The cling wrap, silver paper, orange squash and fizzy lemonade came spilling out of their bag and went into all corners of the boot.  As I reached into one of the far corners, low and behold, there it was – the diamond broach Mother had left to me and which I thought I had lost last year.  Can you believe it – I am so grateful.

Sending you love, joy and abundant living!

Your Chum

Dearest Jackie,

You will not believe what I found, and how I found it, two weeks ago.  I left my new apartment, which, by the way, we have rented for six months, to pick up some items I knew I would be needing but before I left I ran to the bathroom and caught a glimpse of a stain on my dress – the navy and white one you have always loved that was really very expensive.  I ran into the bedroom, put on my bathrobe, and was about to use one of Randy’s under shirts as a rag to wash out what I thought was ketchup but turned out to be red nail polish.   I had to change, quickly, but had not unpacked all of my clothes.   The closest thing was a pant suit with a turtle neck.  The last time I wore this outfit, I weighed 112 pounds so the button on my trousers popped!  Now where had I put that needle and thread?  I was so angry with myself and had my panties in a bunch over the whole situation and ended up, after trying a piece of Scotchtape,  having to use the only other thing I could find which was a bobby pin.  I realized that my recent diet of too much take out, too many potatoes of all kinds (chips, French fires and baked potatoes), popsicles, and ice cream bars, eaten in front of the TV, had no doubt contributed to my predicament.

Now, already behind schedule,  I threw the bit of used Scotchtape into the waste basket, put my tennis shoes on and started out of the front door only to find that the rain was coming down in buckets.  So, it was back into the apartment to find my raincoat, umbrella and rain boots.    Could not find my raincoat anywhere, but finally found, in a pile of trash, my ski jacket.  Looking the way I did, I wished I could find my ski mask to disguise myself but, alas, off I went not feeling anything like the, quote, unquote, hot chick,  I once was.

By now, it was time for a morning coffee break and, having missed my breakfast oatmeal, I had to have some coffee!   Jumped into my Mini and, of course, realized I was out of gas.  Off to the gas station it was!  After filling up, I was on my way to my first stop, the drugstore.  I needed a new face cloth so picked that up quickly and low and behold, I ran into Edward in the middle of the crosswalk just outside of Walgreens – you remember him, he is the guy I used to work with.  We talked about everything, from A to zee, over a cup of coffee at MacDonalds.  He was feeling elated having just that minute landed a new job…he had been fired from the old one last week.  We agreed to have a proper celebration next week over a beer the Yardhouse……hopefully, the four of us will go on to the movies as there is a film Randy and I really want to see.

Next stop for me was the supermarket.  We were having the Jones’ into dinner that evening.  I did a simple roast beef with trifle for dessert.   Quite easy really but did have to pick up a few things.

When I got the bags back to the car to load into the trunk,  I was met with the awful sight of rotting zuchinis along with an old eggplant and endive which must have fallen out of my grocery bag weeks before.  What a mess.  The Saran wrap, tinfoil, orange drink and 7-up came spilling out of their bag and went into all corners of the trunk.  As I reached into one of the far corners, low and behold, there it was – the diamond broach Mother had left to me and which I thought I had lost last year.  Can you believe it – I am so grateful.

Sending you love, joy and abundant living!

Your Chum

In any language we send you all, love, joy and abundant living!